Guide to Anger Management in Youth

Just like we all get angry, so do children. Because of how inexperienced they are, they just don’t deal with anger as well as most adults do. They tend to either hold it in until they explode on something or someone or they just let it all out on something or someone immediately such as acting out. Here are some ways to help an angry child deal with their anger.

Be a model parent and adult

By being a model parent and mature adult, we can show our children the right ways to deal with their anger. This could be such a thing as taking a time out to count to 10. It could also be as easy as using breathing exercises to calm down. Another way can be to talk to the person who we are angry at in a calm manner. If our children see us doing these things, they will do them too.

An object of comfort

Allow your child to hold on to something that calms them down. This can be their favorite blanket, teddy bear or even a soft cushion. By allowing them to have something that calms them, they will be less likely to act up.

Encourage them to talk about their anger

It is always best when someone who is angry to let their feelings out as calmly as they can. By allowing your child to talk to you about why they are angry and who they are angry at can really help them get out their feelings instead of bottling them up inside. If they hold them in too long they could easily act out in a troubled manner.

Give them something to take their anger out on

This could be allowing them to draw out their anger on paper with crayons or markers. It could also be an object that they can punch. You can even allow them to rip paper up to get their anger out. By doing this, you will allow them to start to feel better by getting their anger out without hurting themselves or someone else.

Allow them to use their angry energy

Children might also benefit by using the pent up energy they have from their anger by running through the yard or up and down the stairs. This not only allows them to get their angry energy out but also allows them to be physically active at the same time.

Hold your child

Hold your child firmly and do not let them get away from you. Allow them to calm down in your arms while you stroke their hair or rub their arms. This can help them calm down pretty easily. Afterwards, tell them how much you love them and make sure they know they can talk to you any time they need to. Doing this will let them know you are there for them all the time.

When it comes to anger in children, sometimes they can get aggressive and act out in public, at home or even at school. Sometimes they may even get into a fight at school and then you get a phone call to come and pick them up because they have been suspended. What will it take to help your children control their anger the right way? How can they get through being angry without lashing out on anyone else? Here are some anger management techniques for children.


Show your children how to use relaxation techniques to calm themselves down from being angry. This could be using breathing exercises or meditating to help bring the anger level down until it is gone. The breathing exercises consist of breathing in and out slowly to allow them to calm down. The meditation technique can help them get into a calmer place to help them relax. By showing them these techniques for when they do get angry, they can learn how to manage their anger before it gets out of hand.


Teach your kids how to visualize their favorite place or somewhere with a nice breeze and beauty. They can do this by closing their eyes and ‘seeing’ a beautiful place and by ‘feeling’ a nice breeze on their skin. This can help them calm down a lot to manage their anger the right way.

Lead by Example

You can also lead by example and show your children how you manage your anger. For this you will have to calm down and not throw fits and tantrums such as storming out of the room and cursing at everyone.

Be a good parent

Be a good parent by showing them you love them and that it is okay to be angry but they need to manage their anger the right way. Allow them to tell you why they are so angry and even who they are angry at. Tell them you love them and will always be there for them.

Start a hobby

Allow your child to start their own hobby so they can channel their anger toward something positive. This could be something they are really passionate about such as writing poetry or playing an instrument.

Be firm

Be firm with your children and let them know there will be consequences if they take their anger out on anyone else. Tell them you love them but they cannot hurt other people because it is wrong. Make sure they understand what will happen if they do take their anger out on someone else.


Make sure your children take all of these techniques into consideration because bottled up anger can lead to bad things in children. They could end up really hurting someone or even killing them. Make sure they practice any and all of these techniques to manage their anger effectively.

Is your child showing signs of uncontrollable anger? Are they lashing out on you or anyone else? Maybe they are trying to hurt themselves or someone else? If this is the case, you will need to get to the underlining cause of their anger so you and your child can deal with it the healthy way. Here are some causes for anger in children.


If a child experiences abuse by someone close to them or even by s stranger, they can act out on their parents, the abuser or anyone else who gets in their way. Ask them to tell you who is abusing them and what they are doing. Encourage them to tell you everything so you can help them appropriately.

Seeing is believing

When children see others using poor anger management techniques, they could start to do the same. This is especially true if they see their parents acting out in anger. If this is you, you need to stop everything you are doing right now and start acting like a mature adult. Think of your children and realize they are like sponges, they absorb everything around them. Act as you want your children to act so they can manage their anger the right and healthy way.

Low self esteem

If your children are suffering from low self-esteem it can cause them to act out in anger. They can eventually hurt themselves because they don’t think they are good enough for anyone or anything. They may not feel loved like they should. If your child is suffering from low self-esteem, bring them up by telling them how great they are. Tell them how beautiful or handsome they are and how much you love them and always will.

Being taught to hold everything in

If you are teaching your children to bottle everything up and hold it all in and that showing emotions is wrong, you are being a bad parent. You need to stop doing this right now because you are just making them feel worse and this will cause them to eventually explode with anger and maybe even take it out on you. Never, ever teach your children this because it is not alright to hold everything in and not express emotions. Expressing emotions is what humans do and it is normal and your children should feel it is alright to show these emotions, even if it is anger.

Lack of Sleep

Not getting enough sleep can cause your children to be angry as well. Make sure they get at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night so they won’t get ‘grouchy’ with you or anyone else and act out in anger.


Certain medications can cause anger in children as a side effect. If you think your child’s medication is causing their anger, it is time to get them off of it and try something else if they have to put on medications. Make sure you know all of the side effects before giving them any medication.

You know when your child is angry because of the way they act. They start clenching their teeth, breathing heavy and their face starts getting red. They start screaming and throwing temper tantrums and even in public. Although most kids express their anger this way, there are healthier ways for them to express their anger and you can teach them how.

Identify the reason

The very first thing you need to do as a parent is to identify the cause and reason for your child’s anger. Doing so will get to the root of the anger and will allow them to start talking to you about how they are feeling.

Teach deep breathing exercises

You can teach your children to use deep breathing exercises to help calm themselves and control their anger. Show them how to breathe in and out slowly to calm themselves naturally. Breathing evenly and calmly will reduce their anger every second and eventually they will start to feel better.

Teach them to talk about their feelings

Encourage and teach your children to talk about their anger. Allowing them to tell you how they are feeling and why they are angry will help them calm down and ease their anger tremendously. This is better than them holding everything in and exploding dangerously later on down the road.

Allow them to tear anger away

Give your children some paper and allow them to tear their anger away. This will allow them to get their frustration and anger out without hurting themselves or anyone else. Don’t yell at them for making a mess with the paper, however, rather ask them to clean it up after they are done.

Give them an Object

Give them something to squeeze or “punch” to get their anger out. As long as they are squeezing their favorite stuffed animal, cuddling with their blanket or punching a soft cushion, they are letting their anger out the healthy way instead of letting it out on you, themselves or someone else.

Have them count their anger away

Teaching them to slowly count to 10 while practicing their breathing exercises is a great way for them to release their anger in a more healthy way. Tell them that every time they get angry to count to 10 slowly and their anger will ease off until it is totally gone.

Let them draw out their anger

Kids love to draw and allowing them to draw what they are angry about can really help them learn to deal with it and control it the healthy way. Give them their favorite crayons or markers and allow them to be creative and positive with their anger management.


Having your children deal with and control their anger in a healthy way is a way for them to keep their anger under control without resorting to violence. Parents need to understand what is first causing it and go from there.

Many children have anger management issues. Whether it is due from a mental illness or something causing it such as bad grades or bullying, you need to learn the issues causing it and help them deal with it as their parent. When it comes to learning the issues, here are some main ones to look at to be able to help your child cope with their anger issues.


Is your child getting bullied at school? Or are they doing the bullying? Either way, bullying is a bad thing and needs to be dealt with right away before it gets out of hand. This is the main cause of many school shootings in the country and the world.

Bad grades

Is your child dealing with bad grades? Maybe they are trying to do what they can to bring them back up but are having problems with it. If this is the case, you need to help them with their homework by teaching them how to learn. Make sure they do their homework after school, turn it in on time and are learning the best ways to be able to bring their grades back up. Get them excited about school again.

Stress at home

Is there a lot of stress at home? Maybe you and their other parent are fighting a lot? If this is the case, you will need to tone it down a bit and deal with your own anger issues so you can help your child deal with theirs.

Experiencing abuse

Do you think they are experiencing some type of abuse at school, home or even at church? You need to find out what type of abuse it is, who is causing it and turn them into the police. It could even be sexual abuse leading to this anger problem.

Hanging with the wrong crowd

They could be hanging out with the wrong types of kids and acting out because that is what they see their ‘friends’ doing. If this is the case, make sure to get them away from these troubled kids. Talk to these kids’ parents and find out if they are the cause of your child’s anger problems.

Drugs and alcohol

They might be using drugs and alcohol as well which could cause anger issues. If you do find out they are, you need to talk to them and get them the help they need.


Learning the issue behind the anger problems with your children is the first step in dealing with the anger itself. By learning what is causing their anger problems, you can finally get to the root of it all and fix the problem. Whether it is bullying, bad grades, peer pressure, abuse or even drugs and alcohol, you, as their parent can help them control their anger and help them learn how to do so in a healthy way.

If you are a parent dealing with an angry child or children, perhaps it is best to get to the underlining issue or root cause of the anger problem. Not only this but showing you can control your own anger is good for your children. They will follow your lead every time and if you are angry a lot, they might be too. Here are a few tips for anger management in children.

Teach them to respond instead of react

You can teach your children to respond or feel their anger instead of reacting to it. Reacting to their anger could lead to them harming themselves or someone else. You can do this by talking to them and telling them it is alright to feel angry but they need to feel it, talk about it and release their anger in a healthy way.

Share your feelings with your children

Share with your children how you get angry too sometimes and how you respond to it. You can also share with them your own personal success stories about how you dealt with your anger instead of reacting to it in an unhealthy and negative way. This will show them the right way to control their anger. Make sure they are given choices that help them cope with their anger as well. Help them understand how feelings can lead to the root of the problem and it is the root cause of the issue that is making the upset. Help them learn to cope with that root cause and work on that root cause to avoid outbursts or anger management issues in the future. Remember, a child’s feelings may seem to be the problem at first, but with further investigation you will find the root cause and be able to help them cope with that cause.

Reduce family stress

Reducing family stress is a good way to help your child deal with their anger. They can often times act out with their anger when they are dealing with stress. You can help them with this by doing whatever you can to reduce the stress they are experiencing at home.

Teach them how to solve their problems

You can also help your children deal with their anger and control it by helping them solve their own problems. By solving their own problems they might be experiencing, they can learn to ease their anger and control it without acting out with it in the wrong way.

Be firm with your parenting

Make sure to be firm with your parenting to your children. Don’t allow them to take their anger out on you or anyone else. Let them know there will be consequences if they act out with their anger in a dangerous and negative way.

Teach by doing

Teach your children by doing what you want them to do. This means leading by example and not acting out with your anger in a bad way. They look up to you and by seeing you take control of your anger in a positive way, they will too.


Make sure they know they are allowed to express their feelings no matter what they are feeling as long as they do so in a positive way. Expressing their anger in a positive way will help them to be able to control it easier and easier each time they get angry. Always show them and tell them how much you love them and will always be there for them no matter what.

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